In order to put our listening skills into action, we must be present. Eliminate distractions. Look the other person in the eye. Clear our minds and focus on what is being said. Easier said than done, right? Listening can sometimes be an abstract idea. How can we stay focused in this fast-paced world? How do we manage our emotions and our ideas when they differ from another person’s thoughts? The language of listening comes down to 3 essentials: our brain, our heart, and our courage.
Photo by Studio Eiler @studioeiler
I truly believe that conversation is an art form. We are constantly expressing ideas and feelings through our words and actions. The act of listening is one of the most significant components of this masterpiece. I want to narrow “mindfully listening” down to three simple ideas that we can remember during a conversation. To do this, I am going to use some characters from one of my FAVORITE movies: The Wizard of Oz.
In the classic story of The Wizard of Oz, The Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion each gained an important component of themselves at the end of the movie. The Scarecrow desired a brain, the Tin Man a heart, and the Cowardly Lion wanted his courage.[ctt template=”2″ link=”UK8cE” via=”yes” ]Brain. Heart. Courage. When activated, these three essentials can help us become more mindful listeners.[/ctt]
When I am in a conversation with someone, I aspire to be the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Lion after they have each rediscovered an important part of themselves that was missing. If I am listening with my brain, my heart, and with courage, then I am certain that I am listening with focus and presence.
1. The Scarecrow: Listen With Your Brain
I think the biggest difference between simply hearing and listening is engagement between our brain and the person speaking. When we are truly listening, we are actively thinking about what the other person is saying, processing, making connections, and having an awareness of the direction of the conversation. Does the person want advice? Do they just need someone to listen? Do they need empathy or a personal connection? Is there a question that I need to ask in order to understand what is being said? In order to effectively communicate and give each other what is needed out of the conversation, we must be constantly thinking and processing what the other person needs from us.
2. The Tin Man: Listen With Your Heart
Another important element of effective listening is showing empathy in a conversation. By having empathy, you are listening with your heart. When you are listening to someone with an open-mind and free of judgements, empathy comes very easily. It’s amazing to see a person relax and open up when they actually feel comfortable in a conversation. Listening with your heart creates a supportive and comfortable atmosphere for everyone.
Paying attention to our emotions during a conversation, depending on what they are, can lead to even more empathy and compassion. This is when your brain and your heart can work together. Recognize negative emotions that might not be helping you practice empathy and put them aside for the time being in order to avoid conversation derailment and frustration. Focus in on emotions and feelings that are helping you better understand what the person is saying or going through. When we listen with our hearts, we have the ability to form deeper connections with each other, and sometimes better understand ourselves.
3. The Lion: Listen with Courage
Listening with courage is not always easy, but an act that is very necessary in conversation.
We must have the courage to ask questions. Ultimately asking questions will lead to a deeper understanding of the conversation. Asking questions shows engagement and interest. When you have the courage to ask the tough questions, you are letting the other person know that you are listening with both your heart and your brain.
We must also have the courage to listen when we disagree. Our opinions, viewpoints, and perspectives are becoming more defined than ever. Sometimes this can make it more difficult to listen to what others have to say and not shut them out completely. We must have the courage to listen, not necessarily in silence or agreement, but with respect.
Lastly, we must have the courage to listen with patience. Listening with respect can sometimes take a lot of patience, especially when we want to share our perspective or find ourselves in disagreement. Listening with patience takes a lot of courage because you are trusting that your words will eventually be heard and received. Allowing someone the chance to talk and showing them that you are listening to them with your brain and your heart without interrupting or showing impatience will hopefully inspire them to do the same when it is their turn to listen.
Listening takes thought. Listening takes heart. Listening takes Courage.
Admitting that listening with presence is difficult at times does not make us bad listeners — it makes us human. We live in a fast-paced world. Our communication is primarily done through social media, text messaging, and email. We are constantly reading and hearing the opinions of others everywhere we turn. Our patience and ability to listen are put to the test every day.
For these reasons it is more important than ever to not just hear, but to listen. Aspire to listen not only with our ears, but with our brains, our hearts, and with courage.
When these components all come together that is when you have the true art that is a conversation! If we work together to utilize these components in our conversations, this art will lead to a more compassionate world.
Wising you zest & light,
36 thoughts on “How To Use Mindful Listening in Everyday Life”
Lots of really good thoughts in this article!
Thanks so much for reading, Anne! =)
I love your illustration using the three characters. It’s such a struggle to be present in conversation these days.
Thank you, Leigh Ann! I completely agree; it is definitely a struggle when we have so much going on in our daily lives. Hopefully we can find time to pause and reflect on how we listen! Thank you for visiting Citrus and Sun!
This is lovely advice and something we all need to be mindful of! Thank you!
Thank you, Emily!! So glad you enjoyed!
Listening is any day superior to hearing.
Very wise post on this unique language of listening.
YES, I completely agree! Until I wrote this post I never really considered the difference between hearing and listening. It’s so important to recognize these as being separate! Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Indrani =)
I love the analogies used. So many forget that active and passive listening are so important in having a great conversation.
Thank you, Karen! Yes, I love how you used the words active and passive. It’s so important to know the difference when communicating. Thanks for visiting Citrus and Sun!
Great post! I love the analogies, especially in the times we live nowadays. Yes with the power of social media, though it became easy for us to communicate, that made hard for some to be present and listen to others fellow’s thoughts. They hear, but they don’t listen, and you said it so well in this post. Thank you!
Thanks for your comment and thoughts, Kelly! It’s so true that social media has made it easier for us to communicate, but it is definitely different than the in-person communication we were used to before. We must keep up our practice of being effective listeners. Thank you for reading!!
I loved your post. I am working on being a better listener. It is harder than I had imagined. 😀
Thank you, Tanvi! It is interesting to pause and reflect on what kind of listeners we are. I agree that it is more difficult to work on than I had imagined. Thank you for reading and sharing your personal thoughts!
That is some great advice. That is one area I need to work on. I work with many people daily and getting to know them and listen to them a bit more would be really beneficial.
Thanks once again Stephanie!
Thanks so much for reading, Judith!! I am so happy that you enjoyed the post!! =)
Loved this article. In a word of so much noise, we do really need to listen and maybe learn how to listen effectively! Thanks for sharing this!
Great post! I love the analogies.
We do need to listen and really listen to what people are saying. I think the hardest for me to do is to do it with courage. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by asking questions but in order to answer correctly one must ask questions. I definitely am to work harder at this.
Thanks for sharing!
This really goes well with the techniques I am learning as a psychology major in my counseling techniques courses. It it important to listen!
Oh, how very insiteful and so true.
Our ego sometimes get in the way of our listening to another’s point of view.
This is so true, Genie. I am trying to be more mindful of this. Thanks so much for reading!!
I love that you divided it up between listening with your mind, heart, and courage – such a great way to look at the difference between hearing and listening
Thank you, Cassie, I am so glad you enjoyed my post!!
Wonderful post. The use of the characters is great. Sometimes hard to bring all three together. It is the art form of listening.
I agree, it is very hard to bring all three of these together sometimes!! It takes a lot of practice and patience. Thank you for reading, dad!
These were really great reminders that I need to be present in my conversations with others and eliminate distractions. Thank you!
I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post, Danielle!! Thank you so much for reading!
I absolutely agree conversation is an art form and few of us are very creative but this is wonderful and thank you posting!
Thank you so much for reading, Lori, and for your thoughts!! I am also continuing to work on my mindful listening each and every day! It’s not always easy, but so important in building our relationships with others. Thank you for stopping by Citrus & Sun!!
We cannot excel in any case of a situation for that matter, without proper listening. It is important to enhance your input then only we will be able to give the best output!
It’s no doubt an amazing post with a necessary reminder.
Thank you so much, Syeda! I LOVE your statement about input and output. Such an important point to remember! Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for stopping by Citrus and Sun!
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to just listen right? Especially when you want to get your point across or weren’t really excited. This article is a good reminder to slow it down sometimes.
Yes, so true, Ashley. We definitely need to slow down during those excited moments and just listen! I find myself practicing this with my husband all of the time; I always get super excited when he’s talking and want to add on my thoughts right away!
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